When doctors told Ruben Irving her mother only had weeks to live, she prepared to help care for her at home. Instead, with the support of palliative care, her mother lived for another three-and-a-half years.
The experience shaped Ruben’s career and her belief that palliative care is about helping people live well, not simply preparing for death.
Now Community Nursing Palliative Care Nurse Unit Manager at Mercy Care Centre Young, Ruben has spent more than 13 years supporting patients and families across the Hilltops region.
“The biggest misconception is that people hear palliative care and think someone is dying straight away,” Ruben said. “But palliative care is about living your life the best way you can, whether you have weeks, months or years left.”
Ruben said her own mother’s experience inspired her approach to care.
“She was sent home to die and given three weeks, but she lived for another three-and-a-half years and died at home,” she said. “That experience shaped my belief that everyone should have the opportunity to die at home if that’s what they choose.”
Another defining moment came earlier in her nursing career while caring for a patient with limited family support.
“One of the nurses said to me, ‘Don’t be frightened of people who are dying, just sit with them and be present,’” Ruben said. “That really shaped my experience in palliative care.”
Ruben said early conversations about palliative care can make a significant difference for patients and families.
“People often avoid conversations around palliative care because they think they’re going to upset their loved ones,” she said.
“But having those conversations early helps people understand what matters most to them and builds support around the patient and their family.”
Young resident Elaine Porter said she was initially hesitant when palliative care was first suggested after struggling with ongoing respiratory symptoms following COVID-19.
“When I was first recommended palliative care, my husband and I were shocked. We almost didn’t want to consider it at all,” Elaine said.
“But we learnt more about what it meant and decided to try it for 10 days. During that time, I found there was finally a difference being made to the symptoms I was experiencing.”
Elaine said the support had made a significant difference to both her physical and mental wellbeing.
“Now, while I still experience pain and fatigue some days, I am so much happier,” she said.
“The difference mentally and physically is something I couldn’t have predicted.”
Ruben said many people don’t realise palliative care can support patients for months or even years.
“With good palliative care and symptom management, it’s about helping people have the best quality of life possible,” she said.
“It’s centred care. We listen to what matters most to patients and families and support them through that journey.”
